Starting Out

Ok ok ok, I finally caved and started a blog. I guess that makes me only several years behind the times. Most people reading this probably know me pretty well, but for the rest, "Hi, I'm Heather Schultz...and you are?" *shakes hands*
I'm not sure why I decided to start a blog or if I'll keep it up. I tend to prefer writing by hand...it just seems more personal, you know? That, and I like to underline words for emphasize, so now I have to take the time to italicize the words I want to stand out. But, on the other hand (no pun futurely intended), this gives me less writer's cramp. But with writing by hand, it's also comforting when you have direct control over who reads what you write...but now I'm slipping into second person and that doesn't work well for a blog, does it? Dang it.
Well, now that I'm thinking about it, I think I started a blog because I want people to read something I've written instead of keeping it all to myself. Maybe it's a way for me to open up a little more, I don't know. It's so easy to write out haphazard thoughts, uncaring of their weight or implications, when you know no one will read them...but now I actually have to consider what I'm saying, if I'm even really saying anything.
Anyway, it's been a pretty tough week for me. My grandma Schultz passed away on Monday and suddenly I'm faced with that terrible notion of mortality. I hate mortality. It freaks me out. Sure, I know everyone must die, but I don't like remembering that I know it. It's so much easier to just forget until it happens to someone else. I hate that I'm going to die and afraid I will have countless regrets when I do. I keep wondering if gramma had any regrets. Somehow, I don't think she did, or maybe that just me trying to grasp for a comforting thought. But, really, I don't. I know she missed grampa terribly, but I wouldn't consider that a regret.
But I think that's why I'm so eager to get as much accomplished as possible right now. I want to do and see everyone that I can and never to look back on my life with reeeegreeeets. But, then again, I don't want to rush through my life, losing my appreciation for the simpler things. Like when the leaves change in autumn, or driving through a part of town I've never really noticed before. I don't want to get so lost in the rush of "am I doing as much as I could be?" and, instead, be pleased by what I do have.
So, as usual, I'm reminding myself, "Take a deep breath, spaz, and remember that you are so blessed."